The Blog Of Randomness

I think last night was one of the most depressing nights of my life.

I found out that Matt hated the fact that everyone threw their problems at him and he had to hide his feelings all the time and it was all getting too much for him because he didn't know what to do about loving both me and Tam and then he started crying which made Tamara start crying which made me start crying. So we were all sitting around crying basically. It wasn't very fun. And it brought out a few home truths like I dump all my shit onto him and then stamp on him and stuff like that. I'm glad he told me that's how he feels but it still kind of hurts, even though I knew I was doing it. I wasn't doing it to be mean but I seem to have this weird problem about being horrible to my exs...

But for some reason everybody felt tense yesterday. My whole family was and I was and just about everyone else I spoke to was. Talk about negative energy. Anybody else have that problem?

Eww my hand has started shaking randomly. I think I trapped a nerve or something.

Maya xx

Maybe I'm a bit late to post this but... I saw Elliot Minor the Tuesday before last! 15-07-08. I went with Tamara to The Hub in Plymouth and had one of the best nights of my entire life. Elliot Minor were amazing live. I can't even explain how incredible the whole experience was. Elliot Minor really got the crowd involved in the music and me and Tam went wild, jumping up and down and being complete nutcases (which was very very fun).

After the show, me and Tamara decided to leave because it was a bit hustley-bustley and we needed some fresh air. While we were outside we made friends with these two girls called Alex and Becky. We exchanged msns and then Alex pointed and said "there's Teddy" and there was the bassist from Elliot Minor standing outside The Hub! My eyes literally dropped out of my head. Teddy was so cute and he was just casually talking to random people outside of the door. Me and Tamara went over and we got a picture of us with Teddy. He even put his arms around us to take the picture!

This is a picture of the band and the guy in the middle is Teddy and the guy on the far right is Alex and he's the lead singer and he came right down to us at one point with his guitar!

Rob came round the other day and we actually had a conversation face to face (yes, I know, hard to believe). When he talks to me he sort of tilts his head to the side slightly and smiles. He always smiles. Like a happy little smile. And his eyebrows always raise up and down sort of randomly, as if they were on bouncy castles. I'm not a body language expert but its got to mean something.

Anyway, the conversation was drawing to a natural close (with my brother getting impatient upstairs, waiting for Rob to join him) and then Rob did that thing (you know, when you're about to walk away but then remember something that you were going to tell someone) and he told me that he had played down the bar (I'm going to call it "the bar" cos I don't want to name it - paranoid, I know) that I had sung at last year. I haven't actually been down there since last year (which is shocking since it's July already) but apparently Rob's friend had taken him there and he'd played guitar on the stage.

Is this fate? What are the chances of his friend dragging him down to the same bar that I go to (well, use to go to)? There are millions of bars where I live, so the odds are pretty low.

Anyway, I was thinking of saying to Rob "why don't you come down to the bar on Tuesday" because that's the day that I go down with my friend. My brother wouldn't be there and it would be prime alone-with-Rob time. I think it's a brilliant opportunity but I'm a bit scared to take it. To be honest I hate going to that bar. It's full of drunks and druggies and I'm not even meant to be in there because I'm too young. So if I went there then it would only be because I wanted to see Rob. But Rob is shy so he might not even talk to me much. He might not even turn up and it would have all been for nothing. I don't know what to do. If we met at the bar then my friend would be there and she'd probably announce to everyone that I fancied Rob or something.

I need help, what shall I do??

Maya xx

I watched the film the other day for the first time, then watched it a second time last Wednesday. It is so cute! I love it so much. And Prince Caspian himself...

...what a hottie! Ok, he's got a slightly murderous glint in his eye there but that's beside the point.

I keep trying to tell my friends what happens at the end but I have to resist (although it's a hard thing to do). It's like the perfect ending. Although it makes you think "how could she go back to the geeky guy after-" Ok, I need to stop before I post the ending on here for the world to see.

I also think that Edmond in this film looks alot like Matt. Maybe they're related?

Maya xx

I'm like Sad Sack from The Raggy Dolls. All I do is complain

I'm mildly annoyed by everything at the moment. I told Kasey that I was feeling down in the dumps but she just started talking about this guy I introduced her to (they're getting along really well) which made me feel crapper.

I told Grace that I wanted to go straight to college when I was 16 to study Health and Social Care (I'd told her before) but she just stared at me and said "I thought we were having a year off?" She speaks as if we're joint at the hip or something. I think I'd murder myself if I was. So I told her that no, I wanted to go to college and get education while it was free etc etc and then she suddenly said "blergh". I tried to talk again but she said "blergh". Then after that everytime I said a word she said "blergh, blergh." It was really pissing me off because I was having a crappy day and I hadn't had time to shower that morning so I was feeling unclean and in that just-want-to-go-home-and-have-a-nice-warm-bath kind of mood. Then she gave me a not so friendly shove and I sort of fell into this parked car. I sooo wanted to punch her fat face in but I just took it and then afterwards I looked at her like she was a looney (like she is, stupid cow) and said "are you finished yet?" Seriously, what is the point in that? Hate hate hate. Grr.

Also, Kasey might be moving up country. If her Dad gets the job he got interviewed for then she'll have to move as soon as possible, like this summer. I've known her for half of my life and I can't actually imagine life without her. All my friends are moving away from me and I'm probably going to end up as a mad old lonely cat woman some day...

Maya xx