I'm starting to get seriously irritated by my friend. I know she has a few family issues and that she never did forgive me for leaving school but Im just fed up of taking her shit now. The worse part is that she is very aware of what she's doing. You can tell by the sideglance she gives you when she talks that she wants her words to hurt you. The friend is Grace. I've mentioned her being bitchy before and so has Tamara, but it's only lately that I've been close to actually hitting her or anything like that.

Lately she's been saying things like "nobody loves you but your Mummy," and we were in the middle of town and she said, laughing loudly, "I can't believe you haven't had sex or even had a boyfriend yet!" That's not exactly true since I went out with Matt even though that ended in disaster. She's never had a boyfriend, disaster or no disaster, so I don't know why she's laughing at me because of it. I tried saying that to her but she just said that in year 7 she almost had sex with some guy so that counts (bullshit, total and utter bullshit). It doesn't sound like a big deal but when you add up everything she's said and done to me then it's not nice.

It's stupid and I'm no way saying I'm perfect but the only thing I can put it down to is jealousy.

*Boys*: I once got asked out by the ex of an old friend of mine. Grace told me that if I went out with him then she'd slap me. Charming. I said no anyway because he was on rebound and I wasn't attracted to him, although he was quite a nice guy. I found out later that he was going around asking lots of girls out that he liked, and Grace was one of the only girls he hadn't asked. Infact he said to her face that he hated her. Another time I tried to set her up with Matt, way before I went out with him but in the end he chose me over her... and now he hates her because of what she's said to him. I realised that she's had something against every guy I've ever had a chance with, and she's all for the ones that're never going to happen. Maybe it's just coincidence... maybe?

*Weight*: I'm a size 10 and she's a size 18. I know weight doesn't matter but she's always been very very aware of the differences between us, especially because when I was in year 7 I was bigger than her, and it's just because I was tired of hating my body that I decided to lose weight. She has always been sure that the only reason she doesn't get guys looking at her is, and I quote, "because I'm fat." I tell her all the time that she looks fine and it's probably just the boys being stupid, but she never listens. I do try, I really do.

*Friends*: I don't have a huge amount of friends but the ones I do have are very close to me. I know that she struggled to make new friends after me and Tamara left school and she'll jump at the slightest chance to take the piss out of my friends, which I think is totally unfair since I never laugh at any of hers.

*Family*: I admit, I'm pretty lucky to have such a bloody lovely family. I've met her family countless times and they can be quite scary. They shout at her and laugh at her and they basically ignore her for the rest of the time. It makes me appreciate my family alot more...

And blah blah blah. I can't really be bothered to explain the rest but basically she isn't being nice to me. I'm being told by my friends and even my brother that I need to stand up for myself but if I get angry then I'll probably end up saying something I'll regret. I've ignored all these stupid things she's said for the past 4 years but now some of the things she's saying are really hurtful. She knows I'm a sensitive sod and she knows what things will hurt me. I would stand up for myself but a few years ago I did something very cruel to her, and she still doesn't know that it's me. Part of me feels like I have to put up with what she's saying because of what I did to her back then, if that makes sense. It's stupid, I know.

I just don't know what to do with her anymore. Because I'm not at school I have to hold on to the friends I have and it'll destroy a chunk of my social life if I stop hanging around with her. I go to the gym with Kasey, I.T with Rachael but that's about the only things I do where I'm socialising with people I don't know that're my own age. I occassionaly bump into a group of people Grace knows when I'm out with her. It's like a group of skaters and young girls in mini skirts and I don't know if I want to be a part of a group quite like that.

The obvious solution is to tell Grace to stop being a cow next time she says something hurtful. I think I'll try that one out and if it doesn't work I'll move onto a plan B.

Maya x