I discovered long ago that I seem to have something that my friend calls "the cosmic horn". It basically means that you fall in love with every guy you meet. Have you ever watched Peep Show? I'm a bit like Mark with the whole "she's the one!" thing. I made it a late new years resolution to not love a guy until I'd known him for a year. That pretty much went out the window though when a bunch of new guys joined my I.T lessons a few days later...

But I've been doing well. I realised that this whole "cosmic horn" thing was down to me being overly desperate to get a boyfriend (I'm not desperate right now. I'm going through an I'm-an-independant-woman-so-I-don't-need-men stage. I was only desperate in the first place because everyone around me was getting nice nice warm hugs when it rained and someone there to hold them yardy yardy yar). So it all cooled off a little anyway. I actually have a friend who is a boy and I don't fancy him at all, not even a tiny bit and that has nothing to do with the fact that everybody hates him and he's a complete idiot.

So, yeah, I've been monitoring my feelings for people. I've only been fancying people when there is genuinely something to fancy. I've only been announcing my undying love to people when I was sure it was definitley them I liked. Although not much undying love announcing has been going on lately. I still do love my brothers best mate, despite the fact he knows nothing about it and I barely even see him these days. And yes, it is love. I sort of decided that it's stupid to think that every person you go out with is "the one". I know alot of people do think that but I thought "there must be one kind of love which is greater than all the rest". I think that's probably what I feel for my brothers friend (I'm keeping him unnamed since I can't remember the name I made up for him last time I mentioned him. It's for his own safety, believe me. He'd die of shock if he read this.) And it's not like I've seen him from a distance and think he's some random hot guy with a cute smile. I know him. I wouldn't call him my friend (well... I would but oh well) but we've had conversations, I've been to a gig with him and my brother, he says hi to me whenever I see him in town, whether he's by himself or with a huge group of people. He must at least slightly like me if he's willing to say hi to me infront of his friends?

There is always this crazy tightening in my chest when I see this guy though. It's like time freezes and it's just me and him in the world. When I talk to him I feel myself blushing like an idiot and I mess up everything I say, like I'll start stuttering or something. It all sounds like some kids fairytale love blubber but it's really more than I can put into words. I really do like the guy. And I wouldn't mind snogging him. Oh god I can't believe I said that...

So with all this cosmic horn flying around, throughout it all I have always liked the guy. Whereas with other guys it all faded away and became nothingness, my feelings for this guy are still all crazy and mad. I know I've talked about him before and I've practically repeated every word I've ever said about him but really... this guy is THE ONE.

I think.

Maya xxxxx

..
I can't believe I've just spent 10 minutes writing a blog post about him.